The Miracle of Birth

Posted on September 2, 2010 by candace

In a previous post I mentioned that we were probably not having another baby and that I would expound on that later.  It is later.  I had a c-section with Caleb because I failed to progress over 4 centimeters for a period of three hours I think.  That on it’s own is not such a big deal but there were other things happening (kind of TMI so I’ll spare you) and the doctors wanted to be safe.  Sawing me in half was the safer way to go.  I don’t really remember much after they made the decision.  I remember crying because I was glad it was going to be over.  I remember being in the operating room with my teeth chattering trying to tell the nurses my husband was squeamish.  I remember a lot of pressure on my abdomen.  I remember the doctor saying: “This is a solid baby.”  Things get a little clearer from there for maybe 40 mins and then it’s fuzzy again.

This time was different.  This was a scheduled c-section because my previous labor history and delivery.  I had to be at the hospital at 6 for an 8 am procedure, only to find out when we got there we weren’t supposed to go in until 830 am.  It’s a completely different thing when you know you’re going to have the surgery.  You have time to think about it.  I didn’t have time to think about it or be scared with Caleb.  I was just so glad labor was going to be over that I didn’t really pay attention.  I had an epidural with Caleb so the stuff was already in place to administer the drugs necessary for the c-section.  I didn’t have that this time, and when you come in off the street you get a spinal tap.  The very words make me want to vomit.  I can’t even touch my spine without cringing now.  It’s as horrible as it sounds.

Here’s what happens: You sit up on the operating table and hunch over your big belly.  Then, they give you local anesthetic with a needle, “lots of burning right now” and then take a big needle and administer morphine.  It takes a couple minutes for the stuff to start working and you have to get from hunched over to laying on your back before it does.  Not as easy as it sounds when you start getting woozy.  I get laid down and then my left side starts to go numb and I’m freaking out because it’s only one side!  Then the doctors come in, they don’t even pay attention to you and just go about their business tilting the table and moving you all around. Thank goodness I had a great anesthesiologist, let’s call him Dr. Reassurance.  He talked me through the whole thing because I was freaking out.  Finally both legs are numb and I have none of the teeth chattering I had before so I’m relieved.  Only now it’s getting really really hard to breathe.  I feel really weird and I honestly think something is wrong because it’s so different from my other surgery.  I say to the doctor, “It’s really hard to breathe” and he says “I know what you’re feeling, really nauseous right? It will pass.” Before I can say no not nauseous, it’s over and I feel fine.

Which is good because now I can focus on the surgery right?  Blah, seeing my doctor lean over the drape with my blood splattered places on her mask, not so fun.  She tells me there’s lots of scarring from the other c-section and she’ll have to go in at a different place.  Not the best news.  Then it feels like someone is sitting on my sternum and stomach.  Dr. Reassurance keeps saying “baby is almost out” or “a couple more minutes and we’ll see baby”.  Chris was there the whole time but I think he was afraid to talk because he might pass out.  Finally, I feel the pressure is gone and there is a significant amount of weight lifted off of me.  I know the baby is out but there is no noise.  I’m thinking: “cry cry cry”, and she does.  And then there were tears.  Dr. Reassurance is congratulating us while still giving me the play by play of what’s going on.

The recovery from this surgery was not as “easy” as I remember the other one being.  The morphine had a side effect-itchiness.  I felt like my face was crawling with bugs.  They gave me an antihistamine but it just made me sleepy.  I was on a strong anti-inflammatory for 36 hours and then switched to big ass Motrin’s.  I’m scared to death of Percocet so I didn’t take them.  Last time the pain wasn’t so bad but this time I was counting the minutes until my next dose for the first day.  I remember laying in the hospital bed, unable to move by myself or even get into a comfortable position to sleep and saying to Chris: “I’m not sure I can do this again.”

I have to wait 24 months between surgeries so I’d be 31.  Recovery would probably be even harder next time.  I asked my doctor if there was higher risk for my next pregnancy and she said: “No, but your delivery would be riskier.”  Der, come on.  I guess in the end I’m glad we have one of each, there’s no pressure to try for another baby, but I always wanted four kids.  It’s kind of sad having that option limited or gone because of the surgeries.

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Having a daughter

Posted on August 30, 2010 by candace

I really made it clear that I was very nervous about having a daughter.  I kind of feel badly about that now because she’s here and I never want her to think it was about her as a person.  Most of my fears come from being a girl myself.  Anyone who knows me or knew me at anytime of my life will probably laugh about that.  The bottom line is I don’t want a daughter like me.   I don’t mean that in a “woe is me” kind of way either.  I was a pain in the ass, know-it-all, wildly independent, arrogant, smart-mouthed, sarcastic imp.  And while I loved being me at the time, I wouldn’t want to be the parent of me.  I think back on some of the things that I’ve done and said and I cringe at the thought of my daughter doing them because they were dumb as hell.

When I really sit and think about it, I’m afraid for my kids in the same ways.  This is a hard world to grow up in, peer pressure, bullying, sexual predators, social networking, status symbols, self-esteem problems, drugs, alcohol, and more.  Can I really say that it’s harder for her because she’s a girl and not as hard for him because he’s a boy?  As much as I didn’t want to hear it at any point in my life there is a double standard when it comes to boys and girls.  I feel it as an innate part of being a parent and I’m going to try to fight against that as hard as I can.  (The fact that he is three and she is weeks old may have something to do with that.)  I hope that we can teach them both to have great faith in themselves, their abilities, and in others.  I have a feeling we’re going to be the ones who learn the most.

She’s already so much different than he was at the same age.  Logically it makes sense that each baby is different but until you have another and can really experience it you don’t think it’s true.  I figured babies were babies, they eat, they sleep, they pee and poop.  I didn’t realize there were different ways to do those things.  Camille doesn’t like to sleep by herself.  In the first weeks it was about getting as much sleep as I could so she slept in bed with me but then it became clearer that the sleep I was getting wasn’t very restful with her next to me.  I transitioned her to the bassinet in our room which wasn’t easy and then when she seemed to be doing really well there, we transitioned her to the crib.  She’s been sleeping in the crib at night for about a week and that is going really well, naps are another story.  But, Caleb was 5 weeks old when he first slept 5 hours straight in his crib.  Camille is 11 weeks and just managing that.  I see her continuing to progress so I’m happy about that, I just wish I wasn’t so exhausted all the time!  I know this will pass soon enough, and I’m trying to focus on enjoying her as a baby no matter what the differences or difficulties.  She’ll be grown too soon, like Caleb and I’m likely not going to have another.  (More on that later.)  I guess that means there’s just one thing to say: Stop whining.

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Hello out there…

Posted on August 26, 2010 by candace

Hi! It’s me, I’m back!  We are trying to resurrect this site so we’ve given it a new look and hopefully, we will start writing again regularly.  I honestly wouldn’t have done anything if it weren’t for the fact that I’m on maternity leave and kind of bored out of my mind.  Oh, that’s right, we have a new CMM!

Meet Camille Madera Mann:

Isn’t she cute?  She’s 10 weeks old and growing like a weed.  She’s a completely different baby than Caleb was but we’re learning all about each other and finding a rhythm.  Life with two kids is hectic but completely worth it. I think I have a post in mind on the topic of two kids but for now I just wanted to re-introduce myself.  Hi!

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(Western) Forest of October

Posted on October 6, 2009 by chris

Kind of like the East, the top 5 in the West seem consistent, with minor shuffling based on whether Detroit or Chicago wins the Central and Calgary or Vancouver wins the Northwest (with everyone agreeing that the Sharks win the Pacific). Then there is Anaheim, which seems to be the West’s version of New Jersey – some have them as high as 5th, while others have them out of the playoffs entirely. And again, aside from the two abysses – Colorado and Phoenix – every other team enters the season with a plausible chance at the playoffs. Continue reading →

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Forest of October

Posted on September 30, 2009 by chris

I was thinking about my season preview for the NHL and I realized that there appears to be little difference between last season’s final standings and this season’s assumptions.  The top 5 in the East are almost set in stone (the exception being New Jersey dropping off) – Boston, Washington, Pittsburgh, Philly and Carolina all seem like mortal locks for the playoffs.  This group should be tight, with Carolina maybe being closer to the bottom of the pack than this group of elite teams.  As always, the difference between the 7th team and the 12th will probably be less than 10 points, which makes picking the bottom playoff teams more contentious.  The only team that everyone agrees totally stinks is the Islanders. Continue reading →

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Patriot Raised

Posted on September 10, 2009 by chris

I haven’t written about football here since my foreboding and cryptic preview last season.  I really didn’t want to write about the fact that not only was I right about Brady suffering an injury, but also that it happened in the first half of the first game of the season.   For a Patriots fan, it was the nightmare scenario.  Regardless of the success Matt Cassell had, last season was essentially a throw-away, leading to a painfully long wait for meaningful football action. Continue reading →

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Gentle Art of Making Enemies

Posted on August 30, 2009 by chris

You have to hand it to the NY media for its ridiculously uninformed pipe-dreams concerning the Rangers’ ability to pluck any player of their choosing from any team in a cap-crunch.  I don’t know if this perceived sense of power comes from the fact that Glen Sather was able to unload the abyss of Scott Gomez’s contract or if it’s simply the ego of covering the team that plays in the largest market.  Lest we forget, it was Sather who gave Gomez such a horribly ill-advised contract and the Rangers are hardly a model franchise or desirable landing spot for most players.

It began with the much maligned Larry Brooks suggesting that the Rangers could do the Bruins a favor by taking Marc Savard and his $5 million salary off their hands.  Brooks must spend too much time reading HFboards, since he seemed to think that a top-5 assist man would be available for Brandon Dubinsky.  In essence, Brooks is talking like a retard fan – “we have the goal scorer (Gaborik), all we need is the setup man!”  Under Brooks’s harried logic, the Bruins should actually being trying to acquire Ovechkin to take feeds on Savard’s wing.  If unsigned Dubinsky yields Savard, then Ovechkin could be had for Dennis Wideman (a respectable player, but nowhere near the level of the other guy).

Then last week, as Phil Kessel’s contract dispute lingers, it was suggested by another Post writer that the Rangers and Devils need to hurry up and try to acquire him – either by trade or by extending an offer sheet.  As the article notes though, the Devils have never expressed any interest in Kessel, but they need to dammit!  Unlike the Rangers, the Devils could fit Kessel under the cap, but for some reason, Mark Everson is wholly convinced that Kessel is a top-line center (ignoring those two failed seasons as a center in Boston).  Unlike the Rangers, the Devils don’t really have a need there, with Travis Zajac filling that role.  Everson’s line of thinking is clear – “Kessel > Zajac” – except for the flawed premise of Kessel not actually being a center.  He would certainly be an upgrade on the rightwing of Zajac and Parise, but his lax defensive play and lack of physicality would certainly not endear him to the New Jersey’s new coach – neutral zone trap master Jacques Lemaire.  However, Everson is mostly talking-up Kessel as the missing piece for the Rangers, seeing him as a Gaborik’s center and even touting his *ahem* “defensive skills.”  Forget the boneheaded wrongness of those assumptions, since Everson never considers that the Rangers have about $1 million in free cap space, still have to sign Brandon Dubinksy, who will likely get around $3-4 million, and that the Rangers lack the necessary draft picks that would have to be ceded to the B’s if Kessel chose to play in MSG.  This barrage of nonsense must be bitterness resulting from Boston’s hosting this year’s Winter Classic (even though we all know next year’s will be in Yankee Stadium).

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Trying to Search my Skull

Posted on August 22, 2009 by chris

The WaPo had a great piece on Pig Destroyer in its Sunday Magazine a couple of weekends ago.  Initially it starts off the sort of tedious, misinformation one would expect from a Beatles-loving journalist, but as the article goes on it becomes much more thoughtful and insightful.  It’s quite clear that as Rowell got to know the members in their non-band guises, which are there more common roles, they also set him straight on some of his early missteps and outsider preconceptions.  While this band is already steeped in ridiculous lore in the metal community, I would have to assume this will only further it.

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Fighting to save the day

Posted on August 15, 2009 by chris

G.I. Joe was my toy of choice growing up.  Growing up in the Cold War climate, on a military base, it actually seemed logical to me that there was a shadowy group of bad guys bent on world domination and an elite force of good guys with the perfect mix of skills to stop them.  Needless to say, I knew the live-action movie would be a total bust, even if Dennis Quaid looks exactly like the picture of General Hawk on my cake from my 7th birthday.  Fortunately, such debacles bring about reverant fans.  On that note, we get the Journal of a New COBRA Recruit and the Journal of a Seasoned COBRA Veteran.  It pretty much depicts what I imagined the life of a VIPER to be. It’s Funny, with spot-on references to the ’80′s cartoons, comics, and toys, Keith Pille clearly spent hours foiling COBRA Commander, Destroyer and Serpentor.

Equally brilliant is The Ballad of G.I. Joe – after the jump – composed by Daniel Strange and Kevin Umrbicht.  Hilarious, with great celebrity casting.  Who wouldn’t rather see Henry Rollins kicking ass as Duke, as opposed to that sissy dancer guy?

Continue reading →

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Gin

Posted on August 1, 2009 by chris

Aside from their bold vision for progressing the genre of black metal, what really makes Cobalt noteworthy is the fact that the duo’s frontman spends the majority of his time serving with the U.S. Army in Iraq.  You can just image the kind of grim and bleak content in the lyrics.  While it’s impressive that the duo is able to string together a coherent album under such circumstances, Gin also suffers in places because of it.  David Wunder’s drumming seems to falter at times, either not matching the intensity or the tempo of the guitar riffs.  Wunder’s drumming is at its primal best when matched with the thick, clean chords, which is where the band truly shines.  These passages are torturous and tense, creating a throbbing atmosphere that builds towards the heavier, distorted riffs.  The drumming falls behind, but not for lack of trying.  Essentially, in an effort to evoke Tool, Wunder tries to carry the primal beats over the up-tempo riffs, but his vision is too grandiose and ultimately fails.  The sloppiness is endearing and rarely takes little away from the overall track.  Why I don’t fault Wunder as a drummer is because he really nails the brutal, more metal-styled drumming, blasting away over Phil McSorley’s tremolo-picked guitars.  Also, his arrangements are so complex, but the instrumentation is so bare and straightforward, making it quite remarkable that they are able to evoke so much dynamism from so few layers.  Like so many of their labelmates on Profund Lore, cobalt are really pushing the boundaries of black metal.  Without admitting it, there is a very strong Enslaved influence in their sound, notably in the highly complex riffing.  Rather than taking an overtly progressive/psychedelic trope, their sound is heavily tempered by atmospheric undulation in the vein of Swans and Neurosis, relying heavily on the build-up and tension of tribal drumming against clean tones.

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